How to Make a Decision When You’re an Over-Thinker
How to Make a Decision When You’re an Over-Thinker
You’ve narrowed it down to two options.
Both are perfectly reasonable.
Either one would probably be fine.
So naturally, you spend the next four days thinking about it.
You make a pros and cons list. Then a better pros and cons list. You ask three people what they would do. You imagine every possible outcome. You Google things you already know. You revisit the decision at 11:47pm.
And somehow, despite all this thinking, you feel less sure than when you started.
Which is one of the most frustrating things about overthinking: it feels productive.
It feels like if you just think for a little longer, collect a little more information or look at the problem from one more angle, eventually the correct answer will reveal itself.
And sometimes it does.
But more often than not, more thinking just creates more doubt.
Why decisions feel so hard when you overthink
For most over-thinkers, the problem isn’t actually making decisions.
It’s wanting to make the right decision.
The one you won’t regret.
The one that doesn’t disappoint anyone.
The one that guarantees the best outcome.
The one Future You will look back on and say: Excellent choice. No notes.
But the thing is - most decisions don’t come with that level of certainty.
You make them with incomplete information.
You choose one path without knowing exactly where the other would have led.
And sometimes two options are genuinely quite evenly matched.
That uncertainty can feel uncomfortable, so the brain tries to think its way out of it.
But there’s a point where thinking stops helping.
Over-thinking often starts after you already have enough information
Imagine you’re choosing between two jobs.
You’ve compared the salary, hours, commute, flexibility, responsibilities and opportunities.
You have enough information to make a reasonable decision.
But then the questions start:
What if I hate the new team?
What if the flexibility changes?
What if I stay and miss a better opportunity?
What if I leave and regret it?
These questions are difficult to answer - because there often isn’t one.
They’re asking you to predict the future.
So you keep thinking.
Not necessarily because there’s more useful information to uncover, but because your brain’s trying to reach a level of certainty the decision can’t provide.
That’s when problem-solving turns into rumination.
So how do you make a decision without thinking about it forever?
1. Work out what kind of decision you’re actually making
Not all decisions deserve the same amount of mental energy.
Ask yourself: How important is this decision really?
Choosing whether to accept a new job deserves more thought than choosing which restaurant to book.
Yet overthinkers can approach both as though they’re making a decision at a UN summit.
It can help to divide decisions into three categories:
Low stakes: easily reversible and unlikely to have much long-term impact.
Medium stakes: matters, but you could adjust course later.
High stakes: significant consequences or difficult to reverse.
Then match the amount of thinking to the importance of the decision.
A low-stakes decision might get two minutes.
A medium-stakes decision might get a day.
A high-stakes decision might deserve more time, advice and information.
The goal isn’t to make decisions quickly.
It’s to stop giving a $20 decision $20,000 worth of analysis.
2. Decide what actually matters before comparing your options
A huge driver of overthinking is treating every possible consideration as equally important.
Instead, identify your top three priorities.
If you’re choosing a job, perhaps those priorities are:
flexibility
interesting work
reasonable commute.
If one job clearly wins on those three things, it matters less that the other has nicer offices and free lunch on Fridays.
Ask: “What are the three things that matter most to me here?”
Then judge your options primarily against those.
Otherwise, you can always find another variable to analyse.
3. Stop searching once you have enough information
There’s an important difference between more information and useful information.
Before doing another search, asking another friend or reading another review, ask:
“What information am I actually missing?”
If you can name something specific, go and find it.
If your answer is:
“I just want to feel more sure…”
Then more information may not be what you need.
You might be looking for reassurance.
And reassurance has a habit of wearing off quickly.
4. Give yourself a deadline
Overthinking loves an open-ended timeframe, which can sound like “I’ll decide when I feel sure”
Unfortunately, that might be Thursday.
Or it might be 2029.
Instead, decide: “I’ll make this decision by Friday at 5pm.”
Until then, you can gather the information you genuinely need.
After that, you choose.
A deadline creates an endpoint to the thinking process.
Without one, your brain can keep reopening the case indefinitely.
5. Aim for a good-enough decision
This is hard for perfectionists.
But most decisions don’t have one objectively correct answer.
They have several reasonable options, each with benefits and drawbacks.
Try replacing: “Which option is best?”
with: “Which option makes the most sense based on what I know right now?”
Think about it that way, and you’re longer trying to guarantee the future.
You’re making the best reasonable call with the information currently available.
That’s all anyone can do.
6. Ask whether the decision is reversible
Over-thinkers often treat decisions as more permanent than they really are.
Ask: “If this doesn’t work out, what could I do?”
You take the job and dislike it?
You can look for another one.
You book the restaurant and it’s mediocre?
You never go back.
You choose the wrong paint colour?
Annoying, yes. Life-ending, no.
Thinking about your backup plan can reduce the pressure to get everything right the first time.
Some decisions are permanent.
Most aren’t. They’re really just experiments.
7. Be careful who you ask for advice
There’s nothing wrong with asking someone you trust for their perspective.
But overthinkers can accidentally create a small advisory board.
Your partner says Option A.
Your friend says Option B.
Your sister thinks there’s secretly an Option C.
Now instead of one decision, you have four people's opinions to analyse.
Try choosing one or two people whose judgement you genuinely value.
Then ask them something more useful than: “What would you do?”
Ask: “Is there something important you think I’m overlooking?”
Because ultimately, they aren’t the person who has to live with the decision.
You are.
8. Notice when you’re trying to avoid regret
A lot of indecision comes down to one fear: What if I choose wrong and regret it?
The uncomfortable truth is … that you might.
But regret doesn’t necessarily mean the decision was bad.
Sometimes you make a sensible choice and the outcome isn’t what you hoped.
Sometimes you make the best decision available based on what you knew at the time, then new information appears.
Judging the quality of a decision purely by its outcome isn’t fair.
A more useful question is:
“Was this a reasonable decision based on the information I had at the time?”
9. Once you decide, stop putting the decision back on trial
This is where lots of over-thinkers get caught.
You finally decide.
Then, two hours later: Was that definitely right though?
And suddenly the entire case is re-opened.
Unless new information emerges, practise treating the decision as closed.
When your brain tries to revisit it, remind yourself:
“I’ve already considered this. Nothing new has changed.”
You don’t have to win the argument with your brain.
You just don’t have to start the whole analysis again.
10. Accept that confidence often comes after the decision
You might still feel nervous after choosing.
That doesn’t automatically mean you chose badly.
It probably just means you’re someone who finds uncertainty uncomfortable.
Which isn’t the same thing.
A simple decision-making rule for overthinkers
Next time you’re stuck, try this:
What matters most?
Do I have enough information?
Is there anything genuinely new left to find out?
Which option makes the most sense based on what I know now?
If it doesn’t work out, can I adjust?
Then choose.
Even though you can’t be certain that the choice you’re making is ‘right’.
Because you’re certain enough of the information you have - and that’s all you can be.
The goal isn’t to become someone who never overthinks
You’ll probably always be someone who likes to think things through.
That can be a strength.
You probably notice details other people miss. You consider consequences. You don’t make important decisions impulsively.
And that’s OK.
Just don’t let careful thinking turn into indecision.
If any of this feels familiar, contact us to find out how we can help.